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The Little Embryo That Could

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Our struggle with infertility is not a secret. It’s not shameful, its not something to be whispered about. It was hard, it was ugly and lets’ not sugar coat it. I am 1 in 8. 

 It tested me in ways no other struggle could. It taught me things that I had no desire to learn. At times it destroyed my self worth, and other times made me feel the strongest I’ve ever felt. It made me cling to my loved ones some days and push them away the next. My infertility journey is the definition of an emotional roller coaster.

It was full of countless nights crying myself to sleep, specialists, wait times, hormones, uncomfortable exams, terrifying treatments and tests and therapy. It included progesterone cycles, clomid, letrozole, and terrifying side effects of letrozol that included numerous ER visits. It included 3 failed IUI’s and 1 successful round of IVF and a miscarriage scare from a hemorrhage that shook me in ways I still can’t describe. 

But it also included so many beautiful moments. 

·     No Pants Dance Parties in the change rooms of the fertility clinic 

·     Constant jokes about the awkwardness of Justin’s “contributions”, 

·     New friendships with truly amazing women.  

·     A total and complete Love for nurses, reproductive endocrinologists and embryologists and what they decided to do with their lives. 

·     Newly discovered strength in myself and my husband and our marriage. 

·     THE phone call.  

·     Tears of shock and joy when they confirmed our little one was still hanging on.

·     A love for therapy. 

 ·     A healthy pregnancy. 

 I am one of the lucky ones. I recognize that, I cherish that and I shudder from it. Because there are SO many other deserving couples who haven’t gotten their positive yet. I don’t know why, I don’t know how long they will have to wait but I feel for them so deep withing my soul. I pray for them to remain strong and have hope when they can. I encourage them to look for the beautiful moments in-between all the hard ones but also to cry as much as they want. 

Keep the insensitive suggestions and comments to yourself, be compassionate, be a shoulder to cry on, be the BIGGEST cheerleader you can be. Love, love and more LOVE. Support these couples because this is no walk in the park. And share some #infertilityawareness. 

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